Trading another McPlace
by OzGeek
Summary: Sequel to Trading McPlaces, this time it's McGee and Gibbs swapping brains and hair. Three chapters. Silly and pointless. Oh and spoilers up the wazoo: any season. Now complete but I upped the ratings a little for adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

_Since it's been such a long time since Trading McPlaces, I decided to make this story part two of a brain swapping series rather than more chapters of the old story._

_In the first story, Trading McPlaces, Abby had used a potion to swap brains with McGee for a day. Tony was suspicious but couldn't convince Gibbs. When we last left out intrepid special agents and Goth forensic scientist, Abby had just succeeded in swapping back brains with McGee – or had she? At the last moment Gibbs had got himself involved in the equation._

* * *

**Trading another McPlace - the Gibbs connection**.

Opening his eyes, McGee was relieved to see Abby hovering above him. He was even more relieved to hear her voice coming from her mouth again.

"How you doing?"

"Great."

Hold on – not so great. That wasn't his voice. He sat up straighter and saw himself sitting on the floor beside Abby.

"Who…..?"

"Gibbs," said Abby flatly.

"I can't believe this," Gibbs said incredulously.

"We've been living like this for nearly 12 hours," said McGee.

"Not the body swapping thing," Gibbs dismissed him. "DiNozzo was right!"

Abby and McGee stared at each other in mystified silence.

Finally, McGee broke. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Abby said. "This wasn't in the spell book. I'm going to have to do some reading and contact my local witch."

"I know what I'm going to do," said Gibbs raising McGee's body to a stand. "McGee: you're getting a marine grade hair cut. This floppy long haired fringe thing is starting to look like a bad comb-over."

"Not the buzz cut again, please," Abby begged.

"I liked the buzz-cut," said Gibbs indignantly.

"Excuse me…," McGee cut in.

"What?" said Gibbs and Abby in unison.

"It's my hair."

"No now it 'aint," Gibbs informed him with a smirk of satisfaction. "Abbs pass me some scissors and a mirror."

"No mirror," Abby replied, digging scissors out of a drawer, "but here, try a shiny dvd."

"But, boss," McGee pleaded watching in horror as Abby's well-honed blades hovered inches from his precious locks. "I was growing it for someone special. She's a, well, a fan of mine."

"So now there are two things wrong with her."

"Well, actually she's your fan too. Her penname is iheartTibbs."

"She cute?"

"Oh yeah."

"Maybe I'll just give it a trim."

"Very cute," McGee tried again. "Abbs, back me up."

"She rocks, Gibbs," Abby confirmed.

Gibbs frowned as McGee plastered a 'standing two rungs from the bottom of the ladder' look across his own face in anticipation of hirsute assault. It didn't look good. Finally he relented, "Just a trim."

Examining McGee's hair carefully in the mirror, Gibbs chopped deftly, stoically ignoring McGee's whimpering as each strand was sacrificed – almost as if it were causing actual bodily pain. When he finally placed the scissors on the table, only an inch had been removed from the front.

McGee let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks boss."

"Don't thank me yet," Gibbs warned. "If we don't get this sorted soon, I'll make that buzz cut look like an afro."

McGee gulped audibly.

Gibbs turned his attention to Abby who seemed to have a vested interest in the length of McGee's hair. "Whatcha doing Abs?" he asked ominously.

Oblivious to the impending doom, Abby mused, "I was just trying to imagine McGee's hair like the Director's now – you know with that end flick going and the front bits tied back. He'd sort of look like George of the Jungle."

"You don't think you should be summoning that witch friend of yours or whatever it is you do."

"Call – she has a cell. Most modern witches…"

Gibbs moved McGee's face within an inch of Abby's. "Call her," he growled malevolently.

Abby's eyebrows rose and she tilted her head to catch McGee's Gibbs encased eyes. "Mmm, McGee: I love it when you're rough. We're going to practise that more later."

"Abby!" Gibbs growled.

"OK, OK," Abby held up her hands in surrender.

"What are we going to do while you're…," McGee started. Then an un-Gibbs like grin spread over his Gibbs-like face. "Is Tony still in?"

"Yep," Gibbs raised an eyebrow at McGee, McGee's own as it happened.

"I'll be in the bullpen."

Gibbs bolted after him. "Not without me."

"I'm going to get right on this, OK," Abby called out after them. "Hopefully, you'll be back to yourself in no time. Hello? Anyone?"


	2. A date with a head

**Chapter 2 – A date with a head**

McGee strode confidently into the bullpen with Gibbs, dressed in a brand new McGee suit, shadowing his every move. His peripheral vision caught Tony's computer game disappearing from the screen. No wonder Gibbs always knew what was going on; the guy had 360 degree vision. Somewhere in the background, he heard a pin drop onto the carpeted floor but he ignored it, it was playtime.

"DiNozzo," he growled, whacking Tony on the back of the head.

Wow, what a rush! Head whacking felt really good. The sweet impression of Tony's head echoed on his palm. He ached for another excuse to whack him again.

"What?" asked Tony with feigned innocence.

McGee broke out of his ecstasy, trying to recall his excuse for the head whack. "That's for not beating McGee's score," he grumbled.

When Tony did nothing to justify continued wrath, McGee regretfully headed for his own desk until he realised his mistake and made a slight course correction colliding with Gibbs who had made the anti-parallel mistake.

"McGee!" Ziva said in surprise. "You cut your hair."

"Yeah, it was really starting to get on my nerves," Gibbs said pointedly at McGee.

"Oh finally," Ziva sighed in relief.

"What do you mean?" McGee asked, from his vantage point at Gibbs' desk.

"That hair flick was like a bad shampoo commercial: it was embarrassing. It drove me what is it? Cashews? Almonds?"

"Nuts," Tony offered. "Me too – then when he slicks it back, he looks like Scotty in Season 1 Star Trek."

McGee was stunned momentarily. "How do you know about Star Trek?"

Tony mirrored the stunned expression back at McGee. "How do you, Boss?"

McGee swallowed nervously and his eyes sought Gibbs who was shrugging guiltily.

"I do own a TV, DiNozzo," he tried.

Gibbs shook his head with small vigorous motions.

"Until my ex got it," McGee went for the save only to see Gibbs cringing across the room.

"Well even at that length, that hair will still blow in the wind and get in his eyes," Ziva moaned.

McGee pouted for a split second until he realised how strange that would look on Gibbs. 'Perhaps he should tame it with an orange tea-cosy,' he thought vindictively. "I kind of liked it long," he said out loud.

Tony and Ziva exchanged glances.

"You feeling OK, Boss?" asked Tony.

"At least McGee's not checking out hair rejuvenation products in victim's bathrooms," McGee pointed out in his best Gibbs sarcastic tone.

"How did you know about…." Tony started.

McGee wondered the same thing. He had no idea how he knew, he just did. Gibbs truly was psychic. McGee smiled – he liked being the boss.

Gibbs' computer dinged at him and he gave the mouse a friendly wiggle: 500 unread messages appeared on the screen. He sighed and immediately began creating folders to file the various messages. Wow, he never got emails with titles like THAT from the Director. There was a word he'd never even seen before. He went to click on it to satisfy his curiosity.

Suddenly Gibbs was at his shoulder. "Need any help?" he offered.

"Nope," McGee said urgently. He fumbled with the mouse, keenly aware of how thin the ice had just become. "I'm just filing them not reading them."

"OK," Gibbs said quietly.

Gibbs was only halfway back to McGee's desk when Tony cut him off.

"So Probie," Tony began.

Gibbs screeched to a halt in the middle of the bullpen and gave Tony the look he had perfected on his own face for so many years. He was pleased to see the power came from within. Tony's mouth snapped shut, his eyes opened wide in fear and slowly, very slowly, he backed away to the safety of his desk.

McGee looked up suddenly – his gut was telling him Abby was about to have some important information for him. He lurched from his chair and headed back to the elevator. "With Abby," he called on his way out. "Com'on, McGee."

* * *

McGee and Gibbs waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive. When it finally made an appearance, they jostled for the doorway. So intent was McGee on stabbing the button that would take him to Abby and possible autonomy that he failed to notice the elevator's sole occupant: an athletically built older woman. Nor did he see the look of unmitigated fear Gibbs was running up his face in warning.

The moment the elevator door slid shut, McGee felt a small hand grasp his buttock.

"Anyone would think you were ignoring me, Jethro," a voice crooned in his ear.


	3. Mann troubles

**Chapter 3**

McGee froze as hot feminine army breath seared the hairs on Gibbs' neck. He had never before and would probably never again, be molested by a Lt-Colonel. His brain scanned frantically for her first name. Calling her Ma'am, especially when her hand was now surreptitiously sliding between his legs, could seem a trifle aloof.

"Holli," his voice squeaked in a hoarse whisper, "McGee.."

"You've never minded before," she murmured in his ear.

McGee's eyes widened in shock: it had never occurred to him that his boss and this demonstrably adventurous woman had been groping in front of him. Now he could never be in the same room with them without his eyes being drawn to her hand, or Gibbs' groin where she was currently exploring.

He swallowed hard. "I think he knows."

Her hand slithered away and she shifted a respectable distance across the elevator. McGee took a breath for the first time since he'd felt her touch.

"We still on for ball skills tonight?" she asked with public cordiality.

McGee's mind whirred. The words, 'you've got all the balls you need…' formed an orderly line at the tip of Gibbs' tongue but he caught them before they leapt from Gibbs' mouth.

The elevator ding heralded the blessed opening of the doors and freedom. In moments, McGee was out the elevator and bolting down the corridor.

Hollis Mann caught up with him at Abby's door. "Are we still on for tonight?"

McGee's eyes flitted to Gibbs. "Are we?"

"You need permission from McGee to take me out?" she said, incredulously.

McGee snapped back to her increasingly livid face. "No! I ahhh, we might have something to do…work to do…McGee?"

"I was thinking of taking my Porsche for a spin," said Gibbs ominously. "It needs a good…" he mouthed the words very clearly, "high… speed… work… out. Unless there's a reason for me to stay…"

McGee stared at Gibbs momentarily digesting the threat then his attention flicked back to the expectant face of the irate woman now inches from his nose. "Big case just came up," he blurted. "Big: huge. I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check."

Lt-Col Mann narrowed her eyes. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs: if I didn't know any better I'd swear you were avoiding me."

McGee's eyes sought Gibbs again.

"And stop looking at McGee!" she yelled. "I'm over here."

McGee swallowed hard, took a deep breath and faced her squarely. "It's a surprise," he said with feigned confidence.

"For whom?"

"You," McGee was faltering and he knew it. "We just need a little more time…"

"How much time?"

"We're just checking with Abby."

"Well, lead the way," she invited, stepping out of his path.

* * *

"Hey, you've got his timing thing," Abby congratulated McGee as he walked into the lab. "I was just about …"

McGee frantically signalled for her to stop with a poorly concealed wave of his hand.

Abby frowned at him but continued unperturbed. "about to …Col Mann, Sir, Ma'am…" She paused uncertainly. Focussing on McGee, she said cryptically, "I think I've found a solution to our problem."

"So can we fix it soon?" McGee asked urgently. "Like right now."

"Amen," Gibbs backed him up.

"Yeah, sure," said Abby. "We just need a little bit of time…" she looked pointedly at Hollis Mann, "alone."

The displeasure on Lt Col Mann's face was clearly obvious. "Well, I can see I'm not welcome," she grumbled.

"Sorry," McGee apologised, wondering if Gibbs would ever say the words that were about to come out of his mouth. "It won't take long." He sidled up to her. "I'll make it up to you later."

"I'll make sure you keep that promise," she murmured, placing a hand on his thigh. She gave him a long, suggestive stare before heading for the lab door.

Watching her go, McGee swallowed convulsively: Abby had better have a really fast solution.

"I'll be right in this corridor," Hollis called as the lab doors swished open

As soon as the doors had shut, Gibbs turned on McGee. "What did you promise her?"

"Nothing: I said I'd, that is you'd, make it up to her later. You know in whatever way you usually make things up with…oh God."

Gibbs eyes did not leave McGee's as he spoke, "Abby do it now before I permanently dismember one or both of these bodies."

"Ahh, sure," said Abby. "The witch said you had second order transmutation which is easier to reverse than the first order one McGee and I had."

"Then do it," said Gibbs and McGee in unison.

"Well, I don't really have that much control over it…it's just…."

"There's just one thing," said Hollis Mann, storming back into the room.

"Holli," Gibbs started.

"Shut it, McGee," she glared at Gibbs then turned on McGee. "I'm not used to being fobbed off."

McGee stared at her. "I, um, er."

Lt Col Mann grabbed Gibbs' face by the jaw and pulled his mouth onto hers. Suddenly McGee found himself kissing and tongue wrestling a woman old enough to be his mother.

Then he was standing next to Abby and gagging while Gibbs and Mann kissed in front of him – more passionately than he remembered the act only moments before.

They broke apart and Hollis Mann smiled at Gibbs. "That's better! What's your problem McGee? Never seen two adults kiss before?"

"Ah, no, yes…of course."

"Let's go," said Gibbs, taking her by the arm.

McGee collapsed onto a stool as the two lovers left the lab together. "How did that happen?" he asked Abby, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"Relax, McGee," Abby laughed, "it wasn't even that mouth."

"I know, it's just – yeak," he shuddered. "I'm going to be having nightmares for a week."

"Well what I was trying to say is that second order transmutation usually resolves itself spontaneously in a short period of time: all you had to do was wait."

"So it's all over now?"

"Almost…"

He raised an eyebrow, thankfully now his own, at her. "What do you mean, 'almost'?"

"Tony just rang. He figured it out and he wants to have a turn."


End file.
